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If you're trying to be better in bed, there are a few things worth knowing right away: First, the very act of trying puts you well ahead of the curve, says Justin Lehmiller, Ph. Selfish lovers, in other words, don't spend much time dwelling on how they can improve between the sheets. So long as you're not just looking for an ego boost, your desire to be more attentive shows that you're conscientious and that you put the needs of your partner on the same level as your own. That said, everybody's needs are different, Lehmiller adds. Being open about your desires is truly the only way to give your partner what they want.
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A strong libido and bored by monogamy: the truth about women and sex | Sex | The Guardian

Let's face it: Sex is one of the first things to go in a long-term relationship, even before couples quit saying "excuse me" after belching and picking up their smelly socks. It's not that it doesn't start out all moonlight and fireworks, but somewhere between paying the bills and emptying the dishwasher, making lunches and catching up on Facebook, sex slips many notches down the totem pole of daily priorities. But what if What if we applied the same dedication to sex as we do to showing up at work every morning or making dinner every night? Would the intimacy bring us closer? Would the fires reignite? Or would the act become routine and tiresome, like brushing your teeth?
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They have sex about three times a week, which might strike many as enviable, considering that John and Jane—who are in their 40s—have been together for nearly two decades. Based on numbers alone, one might wonder why they need couples counseling at all. But only one of them is happy with the state of play. Or frequency. Or different.
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But if you have a bad feeling, your gut is usually right. So trust yourself, and think about some of the questions below. They might make those blurred lines a little clearer. Thinking about what happened is the first piece of the puzzle.
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